No Ride - NSF Charges - Detox - Supplements
NO RIDE
Last night I did not have a ride for Griefshare.
So I am asking special prayers that I will have rides for the remaining meetings.
I have been keeping up with the workbook. That has been stirring up mental and emotional junk as well as physical pains. I continue to pray, meditate, and massage my body.
I miss the inputs of the videos at the meetings as well as the interactions with others.
I have a list of options for transportation that I have been working on. So please pray for God to guide and provide.
NSF CHARGES
I have so been wrapped up in this grief work that I failed to notice that Uncle Sam changed the date of when my retirement funds are directly deposited. It was the 28th and now it is the 3rd.
I had many of my payments set up for the 28th or the 1st. I had a buffer in the account. But that buffer was not enough. So today I wake up to two 34 dollar charges for the negative balance yesterday. And more payments have hit so there will be more automatic 34 dollar charges.
I will call the bank tomorrow when they can see that the social security funds arrived. I will ask for them to forgive some or all those charges. Please pray for God to grant me grace in this way.
DETOX
Currently, I am 4 weeks into a 13-week program of Greifsahre https://www.griefshare.org/ They have been around for a long time. Many thousands of people have completed it. I have communicated with a few that did finish it and they spoke highly of it.
So I trust that this process will work well for me.
It is like the option to go on an adventure in a rainforest. There are all kinds of sights and sounds. Plus there are dangers and risks. I have gone as far and deep as I could on my own in my grief. In order to go forward safely, I must have the guidance of Griefshare.
My dad and his father were experts at stuffing feelings. I too have mastered that.
I have been involved in various 12 step recovery programs for many years. They have been hugely helpful. They can take me to the brink of my feelings. But they are not designed to guide me in healing the worse hurts. During those fourth step inventories in the last 20 years, I had journaled more than 200 pages related to the junk tied to my dad.
Griefshare has a proven track record. There are Bible verses and prayers in the workbook that I marked up. I will go back to review, reflect, and journal on. They start to release the pressure of the damned up feelings.
Many of those hurts and memories are stored in my body. They have started to be released.
SUPPLEMENTS
What I want to do is take nutritional supplements that will help to detox my body. There are those natural substances to strengthen my liver and kidney that will be coping with the extra toxins.
I have an appointment with my holistic doctor in Ferris on October 8. She will have the results of my blood work.
I have always wanted a test for allergies. Finally, Medicare and Medicaid have paid for that. This is included in the results she will see.
She hinted that she will be recommending nutritional supplements to correct and balance things in my body. I look forward to her recommendations.
I rely on my morning smoothie and nutritional supplement pills to provide most of my nutrition. Then during the day and night, I just snack mostly. I never was a big eater.
CONCLUSION
So I find myself in a financial pinch.
It has been years since there was a negative balance in my bank account. I do not know if the bank will forgive some, all, or none of the changes.
Buying additional supplements for detox is not possible if they forgive none of the charges.
I know that God knows all about my circumstances. God knows how I got here.
Again I request your best prayers for God to guide and provide.
Previously when I requested prayers about my finances God prompted an anonymous supporter to give me a large amount of money. I could then afford to restock my pantry, buy needed clothes, get the massage tools, buy a few books, and get nutritional supplements. Plus there was a buffer in my bank account that was used for some of the payments.
So while I admit that I am powerless over my grieving process, transportation needs, banking relationships, detoxing, and more. I trust that my Good Shepherd, Jesus Christ, will surely make a way along the path that is ahead.
The Bible offers precious promises including the following:
God will never leave nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)
He who began this good work will complete it. (Phil. 1:6)
As I seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness then all these things will be added to me. (Matt 6:33)
PRAYER
Please pray earnestly that God will guide and provide in all these ways.
The central challenge is to lean into the grief work that God has set before me. That is easier said than done.
There are all these external matters to address as well as my chronic procrastination. I have been putting off the difficult work of getting real about my past. My journaling so far has been sporadic. I want it to become more consistent while taking suitable breaks.
Off and on for weeks, I have been writing a summary of the history of my relationship with my dad and the ways that have impacted me. As I write this it has been therapeutic to put these matters in order for an imagined audience. Yet as I write, then more and more is surfaced.
At first, I expected that message would be 3 to 5 pages. But currently, it is 12 pages. I need to wrap this up at about 15 pages and get it out. There will be more to write later.
On the one hand, I know that most of my supporters are too busy to read 15 pages.
Yet, on the other hand, I know that there are a few who will.
Knowing that most will be overwhelmed sparks my fear of rejection. Still, I need to just feel the fear and take action anyway.
Even this message is 3 times longer than I expected. So it is reminding me that I process while I am writing.
Please pray for strength and courage to just share part of my story soon.
GIVE
I hate to ask for money in general. I especially dislike asking in the setting when I have neither delivered a Biblical lesson or requested support for serving others.
I came out of the Prosperity Gospel movement when asking for money was done all the time. That was a turn off for others and me.
It takes a measure of humility to admit that I need help financially.
Things are tight in terms of cash flow. I could barely make it without any additional support. But this is a rough patch and heading into a critical season.
To not request prayers for my finances and offer a link would be an expression of pride for me.
God has opened my eye to notice the furniture, food, and funds that God has graciously provided in the last year. I think back on the many times that God made a way for my rent to be paid during the 1980s and 1990s when I was between jobs. I look at my dentures and eyeglasses that God provided right on time. So I am the bountifully blessed.
My life is a testimony of the grace of God.
God used the prayers of my mother and her friends to deliver me from drug abuse in 1975. God opened the door for a church-based rehab. God used their love and support to restore me to my right mind after scrambling my brains on LSD.
God used the messages of many radio preachers and teachers to convict me that religion was not enough. I need to be born again.
I can go on and on about how God has blessed me. Maybe after this grief work, I will write a long article about the major answers of prayers for me and those I served directly.
I never was good at sales or fundraising so the Paypal link follows. You are invited to give or pray for God to prompt others to give.
This was sent to dozens of people I have known over the decades. And I posted it on Facebook. I do not know how many will open it, how many will pray, and how many will give. But I feel that it is my responsibility to live an open and transparent life as I enter further into this uncertain journey of grieving.
Just writing this has helped me sort out the mess inside me.
I look to Jesus Christ by faith to guide and provide just like He has for 4 decades.
Shalom
John
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