God is doing great things in me for His glory

God continues to guide and provide.

My focus during the rest of the year is to continue my griefwork based on the Griefsahre workbook. 

I am on day 8 of a 40-day prayer challenge from the book Draw the  Circle by Mark Batterson. And after many years of praying for my prayer life to improve it finally is in big ways. 

I am doing much journaling based on Workaholics anon workbook and that is flushing out junk unto healing old hurts.

Also, God gives me inspirations about several educational projects to start in January 2019.

About a third of the time my sleep is disturbed. I wake suddenly due to crazy events in my dreams. I think this is linked to all the deep healing during the day. 

To help support all this intense internal work I take care to get exercise regularly, drink plenty of water, and eat well. I stop as needed to pray and meditate when prompted. I make time to enjoy online movies to have a balanced lifestyle. 

Before this season on inner work began times of depression were common and sometimes there was despair. My hope about the future was weak. My prayer life as shallow. Currently, all those negative symptoms are absent. 

I know that most Christians do not go into such internal practices. But I learned the hard way over these 40 years as a believer that this is what helps me long term.  

There were long periods of church history when such focus on progressive personal sanctification was a normal part of the life of committed Christians.

God has me in this semi-hermit condition in order to both clean out the inside of my vessel and to provide me with lots of solitude for the creation of educational modules. 

What I instinctively pray from deep inside it Thy Kingdom come and Thy will be done. 

What is being distilled these weeks is that my greatest desire is to continually PRAY BETTER. As that happens then ALL else will follow. 

Like everyone else, I must juggle my needs and wants. I must address the internal and external distractions. I must tilt toward the important while away from the urgent.

Like everyone else, I wish I had more time. There are more appealing options in any day or week than I can start and finish. 

Like everyone else, I would like to have more money. Yet how well am in using and being thankful for what God has already provided. 

Kindly pray for me now and later.

THANKS again for your prayers.

Shalom

John

Griefwork, Holidays, and Hopes

 Griefwork, Holidays, and Hopes

Griefwork

There are only 2 more sessions in the 13-week program of Griefshare https://www.griefshare.org/

I am grateful for how God has used that program to heal my soul in deep ways.

The videos, discussions, and workbook have been used by God to bring light to the darkest places inside me.

There have been more times when my body shook with emotions. There were nights when I was going to sleep and tears just poured out of my eyes without thoughts or feelings.



What has been most helpful has been to write in my journal. I have gone to write in an agitated state. Then a jumble of words to express feelings, memories, hurts, fears, resentments, and more spilled onto the page. After many pages this calmed down. By the time I ended I had there was greater perspective and peace.



Journaling has always been a useful tool for me.



Holidays

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. A friend will come to pick me up at 1030 to take me to a local Methodist church that is feeding the entire community for free.



This morning I have begun to express my special thanksgivings to God. I was amazed at all the wonderful people that God has put in my life this year as He brought those to mind.

Also, God has sent to me many units of furniture for free. These include a huge desk, large dining room table, glider, cabinet, and a recliner. I did not pray for or ask any person for them. They were just offered to me out of the blue.



God has done a great job in healing my body many times this year using prayers, over the counter medications, and prescription medicines.



My understanding of the Bible, Jesus, and biblical theology have continued to grow wider and deeper. Some people enjoy sports and others enjoy cooking. I enjoy biblical theology as well as church history, Christian biographies, and apologetics.

God has been my guide this past year into many online resources related to subjects I enjoy.



Christmas shopping is easy for me. I will give my brother an Amazon gift card online. End of story. So all my Christmas shopping will be done in 5 minutes.



Note that I was never married and did not have any children. So I do not have relatives to visit during November or December. I will talk with my brother on Thanksgiving and Christmas like we have for decades. Before my dad died in April this year then he and I would talk on the holidays.



Because most of the people I know get involved with visiting family, shopping, and parties the holidays have been lonely times for me in the past. This year I will redeem the time by going back into the Griefshare workbook. There are parts I marked up like key Bible verses, powerful prayers, and provocative questions. I will dive into those to optimize my griefwork.



Also, I have been challenged by a leader of the Workaholics Anonymous conference call daily to complete a fourth step moral inventory before Christmas. I have accepted that challenge. So I will be again journaling about my resentments, fears, and those I harmed. Many of my deepest resentments relate to my childhood memories of my dad raging at me and my mom. This process will not be fun. But I know from the 7 previous times I did a fourth step it will lead to relief, release, and deep peace.



Hopes

What keeps me going through these difficulties and the greater challenges ahead is the hope that next year I will finally launch and lead an online educational ministry.



Lord willing this season of intense inner healing work will greatly decrease my perfectionism, procrastination, and fears.



I have an overabundance of preparations. I have heaps of notes, mind maps online, and internal plans.



I have the needed equipment and technical skills.



I have the books and website links to guide me when I have troubles.



What has stopped me from my calling, destiny, and purpose has been internal and that is being addressed during this season.



Note that musicians are compelled to play music, painters are compelled to paint, and writers are compelled to write. It is obvious to me that I am not compelled to play music or paint. But I must write to stay sane. I process my life by writing in my journal, sharing with you, and crafting articles.



I live in the 21st century. Most people do not sit around to read newspapers and books all the time like they did a hundred years ago. The younger generation is online. They are consuming videos. I need to get in front of them to share the lessons God has taught me over the decades. I need to do that in ways that are simple, engaging, and biblical.



During this season of intense healing, I have begun yet 2 more online mind maps to capture the many creative ideas that keep coming to me. It is my hope that starting in January of 2019 I will transition from this deep healing phase into an explosion of online lessons and facilitate online communities.



Conclusion

What they said in the Griefshare videos and workbook is that every person grieves differently. It is unique for each person.  



I am pulling back the curtain to share with you what my grief process has been like. There was a lack of closure about my childhood hurts when my dad was alive. This is my complicated way to address those matters so I can better move forward.

I share this to enroll prayer support and to inspire some to finally go on their grief journey.

There are lots of great books on this subject of grief. You can pray fervently and God will guide you to the books you need.


The grief of some people includes an abundance of crying. Others feel numb and can barely function. Still, others get very mad at God and stop attending church.  



The videos showed short clips of those who lost loved ones quickly in a car wreck as well as slowly to cancer. This included spouses, children, and parents.



Such traumatic losses impact any person to their core. While the grief of each person is unique still there are common characteristics to be understood. There are Bible verses and biblical principles to be embraced. Prayers become more authentic.



Let me again extend an invitation for those that want to process grief to find a Griefshare group near you https://www.griefshare.org/findagroup



Prayer

Please pray for me now and later.

Pray for this griefwork to go very deep and very wide. May the Holy Spirit guide my steps and make alive the specific Scriptures that are important for me at this season.

May God grant me strength and courage to complete my workaholics' fourth step inventory before Christmas. That will be a challenge yet very useful in the long term.

During the coming weeks I need to both go into the unknown caves of my soul where these hurts are as well as be gentle with myself in terms of rest and self-care. I trust that my Good Shepherd will guide and provide.

Shalom

John