I have been enjoying this other work by Tozer - The Knowledge of the Holy

I deeply appreciate how God used Tozer to weave together deep devotion, biblical theology, and some mysticism. 

Ultimately when a Christian prays or worships they are operating as a mere mortal and communicating with a divine being. That is a metaphysical event. Yet our western rational minds do not let us recognize it as a spiritual incident. When this is full embraced then the mystical arises. 

In our current culture, there is an understandable desire for spirituality and a distaste for religion. That is because the consequences of consumerism and materialism will eventually leave the soul starving. 

Unfortunately, religion is seen as a batch of rules, doctrines, practices, and cultural events that fail to touch where it is hurting. 

Tozer spoke out against religion while unfolding levels and layers of an intimate relationship with God that is firmly rooted in Scriptures.

I admit that I have troubles reading Tozer because the text is so dense with meanings and thrilling illustrations. So that is why I used the audio version of the Pursuit of God that I shared previously. 

Then as I explored I found another book by him named The Knowledge of the Holy.  It was not nearly as popular. While there are many audio versions for free online for the Pursuit of God I found only one free version of The Knowledge of the Holy.

And then I found a huge blessing that I did not expect. The reader is a woman that weaves her passion into the reading. Nearly all audio books are fairly wooden in the hearing. But she has poured her soul into this. Plus this is evidently an expression of her heart and service also as she publishes another chapter of the book about each week. She completed chapter 4 of 23 chapters.

You might want to use this online text to watch as she reads or buy your own print or ebook. http://www.ntcg-aylesbury.org.uk/books/knowledge_of_the_holy.pdf 

The subtitle of the book gives a preview of the contents, The Knowledge of the Holy: The Attributes of God: Their Meaning in the Christian Life.

Amazon has Kindel, Hardcover, Paperback, Audio, and Audiobook here

https://www.amazon.com/Knowledge-Holy-Attributes-Meaning-Christian/dp/0060684127/ref=sr_1_1 

Some people love to read books. Here is a book with 3 of his books combined The Knowledge of the Holy, The Pursuit of God and God's Pursuit of Man. You can look far and wide to find so much biblically spiritual meat in the covers of just 1 book

https://www.amazon.com/Knowledge-Holy-Attributes-Meaning-Christian/dp/0060684127/ref=sr_1_1

Those who have Audible can hear it there.

But I greatly appreciate how this woman injects life into the word. I will patiently wait for her to publish more. 

Note that I rarely watch a movie more than 1 time. Yet this material is worthy of hearing a few times. 

And if I am wise then I will come back to this in a few years when I will hear the exact same words differently.  

If the following link is her playlist of reading Knowledge of the Holy. If the link does not work then search on Youtube for Mraw warM.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJAB1-_vM5E&list=PLrmgiiK_pgxGKXpacqqkWTuxJWwvrluss

Shalom

John

What is missing at the local church?

What is missing at the local church?



Paul says that faith, hope, and love are essential. So why is it that every person that has been attending church for more than a year does not have a personal working knowledge of each of the principles of faith, hope, and love?

If the New Testament has so many passages instructing Christians about love then why is the church culture not overflowing with agape love?

If Jesus said that we are to be known by our love one for another then why are we know for our judgemental attitudes and self righteousness?

Computers, smartphones, and the internet have made songs and sermons easy to access any time and anywhere. So people do not need to attend church to just be another passive consumer of religoius media. Instead, they need to be known, engaged, challenged, supported, encouraged, etc. That kind of ministry is essential to making disciples.

LOVE
When the 66 books of the Bible are boiled down to the core concepts I suggest that love and truth are the most basic.


AUTHENTICITY


ENGAGEMENT


CIVILIZATION


MEN


CHRISTIAN EDUCATION

STEWARDSHJP TTT Accountabblty\

MILLENIALS

TOPICS

What are the principles and practices of daily spiritual warfare? Then how can those become a frequent healthy habit?

overcoming blocks to a better prayer life

Why and how to meditate on Scriptures

identifying and dealing with modern forms of idolatry

using time and money more effectively in seeking first the kingdom of God

unmasking the subtle impacts of personal shame and guilt 

Why and how to be in the world but not of the world

What is biblical masculinity? Then how to apply that personally as well as how to teach boys and teens?

What are the principles and practices of basic anger management? Then why and to implement these?

strategies and tactics of conflict resolution in marriage and parenting

what have been the highlights and lowlights of our church experiences

what might Jesus say if He was to address our church as He did in Revelation 2 and 3 then what can we do as men to respond

If each man had plenty of time, an unlimited budget and an abundance of eager volunteers then what would they recommend, lead and/or do for community outreach

What practical practices can gracefully improve and increase genuine gratitude to God privately from the heart daily?

What few Bible verses have been the most convicting recently to apply and how can we support you to overcome your internal issues so that you will gladly and gracefully obey that Word of God?

world flesh devil

Please pray for these senior citizens

What follows is part of a monthly newsletter for my neighbors. All of them are over 55 years old and are low income. Most of them are widows in their 70s and 80s. 

The Bible reflects a special concern that God has for widows. 

Note that the holidays can be very depressing for seniors. The following message is my way to bring some love and light to that emotionally difficult season. 

Many of my neighbors are homebound. This is an independent living facility. So there are some visiting nurses and visiting people to help with housework. 

Some that are not homebound get around with walkers on wheels or scooters. Plus there are some that drive cars and hold down jobs.

This is a racially mixed community. 

There are 64 units and 75 residents because a few are 2 bedrooms with husband and wife.  

Every apartment I have visited had a huge TV that was almost always on.

All the women I have talked to are grandmothers, many are great grandmothers and a few are great great grandmothers. 

Very few relatives visit on a consistent basis. 

Some attend church and many do not.

Can you imagine the sense of isolation?

I do not have the personality or energy to go around and make friends with lots of people.

But I do have the sensitivity to notice the needs around me. I have the motivation to request prayers. I have experienced amazing answers to prayers over the decades.

I talked with the apartment manager Darlene about the possibility of having a special event beyond our monthly potluck lunch to benefit the residents during the holiday season.   

There are Christian and secular celebrations that they could attend. Yet what I want is something that will help address the chronic loneliness, depression and other holiday-related issues.   

There is both the spike of depression that happens during the holidays and the ongoing depression of such isolation. 

Obviously, I am not an expert in this field. But God can answer your prayers. Then the Lord Jesus Christ can guide me to both general guidelines to include in future newsletters as well as some expert or church group that will come to our clubhouse to provide a seminar or workshop for free. 

The following materials will be printed and shared with my neighbors at the end of September. Note that I am requesting their inputs about recommended holiday options and volunteer options. Also on October 9th we will take up a collection of items to be donated to the thrift store in Ennis that benefits First Look Pregnancy Clinic. 

All of this can be done in the energy of the flesh and it would be OK. But as your prayers are joined with the prayers of others then God will surely bless and anoint in ways we cannot predict.

It is my intention by inviting those far away that will never visit Ennis to participate with fellow members of the greater body of Christ in spiritually serving this small sector of our society that is often neglected. 

Typically senior citizens are nearly invisible in most churches and the secular society. We have feelings and memories that TV and medicine cannot cure. 

I request your best prayers as soon as you have read this message and again as the Holy Spirit prompts you. 

Shalom

John

Greetings Oak Timbers Neighbor

Greetings Oak Timbers Neighbors

The holiday season will be upon us soon. Each year there are new people that move into Oak Timbers and many of those are not from Ennis. Also, many of our neighbors have family members that live far away. The holidays can be a lonely time for seniors. So let me ask you what activities have you enjoyed in the past during November and December that would be open to fellow senior citizens? What church or secular opportunities could I list in the November newsletter?

On a related note what volunteer opportunities would you recommend that happen all year long? I have found that making it a priority to volunteer some each month enriches my life. It is easy to just remain inside and watch endless hours of TV. But there is a wonderful world out there. It can be mentally and emotionally satisfying to be of service. It can be enjoyable to meet more people and contribute as a team to a greater good. So like holiday opportunities, I am requesting inputs about volunteer opportunities you recommend?

Finally, let me invite you to donate surplus things to the thrift store for First Look Pregnancy Clinic https://www.firstlookclinic.com/ They operate 2 thrift stores. These are located at 210 West Brown ST Ennis 972-875-8055 and 1204 Ferris Avenue Suite B Waxahachie 972-923-0778. You can take your items there or have a family member take them. Darlene has graciously allowed me to use the clubhouse on October 9, Tuesday, to take up a collection from 9AM to 5PM. Then the next day all the items will be taken to the Ennis thrift store.

The items donated store will be sold or given to the moms and children. Consider giving clothes, housewares, and other things you would find at a thrift store. Also, you might give baby wipes and disposable diapers.

First Look is a Christian organization that provides pregnancy testing, ultrasound, counseling, classes, and more. You can learn more by going to the website https://www.firstlookclinic.com/ or see the literature from them on the table under the large TV in the clubhouse

No matter how you might participate in these matters I request your best prayers. It is my intention that our neighbors have an enjoyable and satisfying life. That can include holiday gatherings, volunteering and giving surplus possessions to a nonprofit.

If you are homebound or want help to bring your donation to the clubhouse, then contact me.

Also, let me know the holiday and volunteer options that you recommend so I can share those in the November newsletter.

Feel free to contact me by phone or text at 972-948-4014. You can email me at fellowpilgrim@gmail.com Or just stop me to talk in person as I am on my walks in the mornings and evenings. I am the tall white man with the gray beard.

Thank you for your prayers and other participation.

John S. Oliver

Beginning this Grieving Journey

Beginning this Grieving Journey

SUMMARY

I have begun an intense season of grieving.

I am enrolling those who will pray for me during the coming weeks.

You are invited to pray over this message and those messages that are to come later.

Please pray often for me during the coming weeks. I will be going deep into the uncertain processes of grieving.

Already many painful memories have been stirred up. With those memories came a tangled mess of feelings. I believe it is essential that I process these matters. Otherwise, if I keep stuffing and denying them then they will keep blocking me at a subconscious level.

I expect that this healing will decrease the episodes of depression and despair that I have had for decades. This will minimize my patterns of perfectionism and procrastination that are linked to my workaholism and work avoidance. All of this is rooted in my unresolved issues related to my dad.

Monday night, September 17, I attended Griefshare https://www.griefshare.org/ for the first time. It is a Christian support group for those experiencing grief.

There are 13 units that include watching a video, discussing with others present and working in a workbook between meetings.

My dad died April 15 of this year. I wanted to attend back then but they were on break for the summer.

That Monday was session 2 and there were 3 others present plus the leader. The Christian grief workbook with continue for 11 more weeks.

Hearing others and sharing in what safe setting is very healing for me.

The workbook has short daily exercises. These have been used by many thousands of Christians for decades. There are key Bible verses that I had never noticed yet suit this phase of my internal healing. There are short recommended prayers in the workbook that I have marked up. I need to go back to pray slowly and repeatedly

During the coming weeks, I request your best prayers. I may make a few specific prayer requests. Otherwise, I ask that you pray earnestly as the Holy Spirit prompts you.

The person that gave me a ride last week has gone on vacation for a long while. I did not have a ride on Monday, September 24. Please pray for God to provide transportation for the coming weeks.

Pray for me to not only attend the meetings but also consistently do the exercises in the workbook. Those have already stirred up all sort of memories, feelings, and thoughts.

I understand that ultimately I need to let go and let God. I need to forgive my dad for his sins of commission and omission. I need to accept him for who he was. I know intellectually that he did the best he could. He was shaped by his dad that was stoic as well as his peers and his society. He was a mere mortal like me that could not love perfectly.

The more I observe parents the more I recognize that is an impossibly difficult job.

I know that most people want the summary. Yet a few want the details. So I have posted the details on a blog that I will update as needed.

For those that especially feel prompted to pray for me, I ask you to use the following link to understand the details. Then you will be able to better understand my internal struggles and can better target your prayers.


DETAILS

The following is raw in places.

I believe that I must be as transparent and vulnerable as possible.

As the darkness in my soul is exposed to the light of confession and the prayers of others then there will be lasting transformations.

God has begun a deep healing process. I do not know what the future holds. But I know it will be for the glory of God and for my good.

The bottom line is that I had a horrible relationship with my dad. I will share a simple summary of that later. Those internal wounds impacted my attitudes, outlooks, expectations, fears, and more. This has been expressed in how I relate to career, success, money, authority, pastors, masculinity, work, and more.

Over the decades I needed to attend secular 12 step programs like Adult Children of Alcoholics, Al-Anon, Codependents Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, and Workaholics Anonymous. I attended the Christian version of recovery called Celebrate Recovery https://www.celebraterecovery.com/ Twice I worked the 4 workbooks over the course of a year.

Currently, I join a conference call at 10 AM of a few men that are working the steps of Workaholics Anonymous. It is very therapeutic to hear other men sharing openly and honestly about how they are gradually getting the victory over their work-related issues. It is a safe place for me to admit my struggles.

What has worked well for me over these decades has been journaling.

I have needed to use 12 step recovery programs to peel back the layers of the onion in my soul. I have done 7 fourth step moral inventories of myself. Those fourth step guidelines include digging into the resentments, fears, and hurts. Much of what I have journaled about both in secular 12 step programs as well as the Christian Celebrate Recovery program has related directly or indirectly to my relationship with my dad. I have easily written 200 to 300 pages about him.


SYMPTOMS

On September 25, 2018,  I woke up many times due to violent or bazaar incident in my dreams. That has never happened in my life. I think it is a sign that God is doing a super deep work in my soul. 

There have been moments when I needed to just stop while walking through my apartment and just put my hand on the wall and close my eyes for some seconds. This was due to a wave of odd feelings.

Generally, I have lost most of my motivation to work on projects related to preparing for online ministry. That is what I had been doing mostly for years. It is weird for me to not feel driven. 

In many ways, it feels like everything has slowed down. There are times that it seems like I am walking through molasses up to my waist.

I have become far more aware of the colors in nature. The trees are not just green. There are dozens of slight variations of green in the many trees I see during my morning and evening walk. Likewise during this slowed down mode I see the various greens in the lawn. I see the various shades of gray in the clouds. This is wonderful. It makes my exercise more enjoyable. I can find value in ordinary life instead of striving to maybe someday feel happy when I complete a huge project. 

I have become more alert to the ongoing thoughts that are generated in my mind.

I notice all kinds of sensations in my body that come and go quickly. Previously I had treated my body as a transportation vehicle for my head.

The Lord has led me to buy and use massage tools like a cordless vibrator, trigger point device, and other ways to relieve stress that I had been carrying in my neck and shoulders. 

When I have been exploring Youtube then God has been guiding me to timely messages.

The frequent sensations of depression that had come and gone for years have been absent.

During many afternoons I take a brief nap. Yet sometimes the nap becomes very long. As a retired man that does not have a job then I am free to sleep as I need to and I think uses those times of sleep to heal me emotionally.

Since my dad past 5 months ago, I have gained about 20 pounds. Only one pair of pants fit when I go out in public. Mostly I wear sweatpants and basketball shorts when at home. I went to buy more pants but I could not bring myself to try on the 36-inch waist. I had been 32 to 34 all my life. I have prayed many times to God asking Him to guide me in gracious weight loss when this grief process is over. 

Mostly when I journaled before my entries were filled with feelings about frustration and aggravation. I felt stuck and wanted to make much more progress in my online ministry. These days I feel resigned and detached. I just want to pay close attention to how the Lord Jesus Christ is leading me one moment at a time.


BACKGROUND

I was the first born. My brother, Jim, is 3 years younger.

Both of my parents were only children. I felt huge pressure to become a super success to make both my parents and all 4 grandparents proud of me.

It is normal for a parent to want their child to do better than them. Note that this was the 1950s and rapid material prosperity right after WWII was happening all around.

Yet the message I internalized that I must super succeded. I needed to achieve something like the Nobel Prize or another world class award. I felt that I was expected to meet the ultimate standard that had been put before me. It was like I needed to not just get the gold medal at the Olympics for pole vaulting but I need to also set the world record.

When I graduated from high school in 1971 my plan was to get an engineering degree and an MBA like my dad. But unlike my dad, I planned to go into business. I wanted to get rich quickly and retire early.

It seemed to me that my dad had sold his soul to the corporate bureaucracy. Yet it seemed that my grandfather that had been a business owner was far more content.

The company that my dad worked for grew rapidly during the time he was there. It went from a regional company to an international powerhouse. He traveled often both nationally and internationally.

My dad had worked very long hours and brought home a briefcase full of work that he worked on into the night. When he was home and spent some time with me he often seemed exhausted.

During my teen years, I recall that during vitally important conversations when I was attempting to sort things out about becoming an adult and he was looking straight at me during our dialogue. Suddenly he closed his eyes and fell asleep while sitting up and facing in my direction.

The way that his employer positioned itself against the competition was to offer the highest quality products in the industry. That meant there was a corporate culture of perfectionism. During college, I worked there one summer. No matter how well I or my coworkers did it was never good enough. 

He brought home that set of impossible standards. Yet the family was made of fallible humans and not flawless robots. So when I spilled the milk at the dinner table there were times he literally stood up and shouted at me in a rage.

There is a super deep hurt related to one or more incidents like that. I request your best prayers for the complete healing of this and related matters. 

As I reflect on my history with my dad then I notice that my tendencies to perfectionism and workaholism are traced back to my dad. 

Like any boy, I wanted to please my father. Yet it did not seem like that ever happened. I recall as a new Christian in my late 20s needing to transfer my desire to please my earthly father to a desire to please my heavenly father.

Due to the corporate culture and his ways to cope with the pressures of his career he drank heavily. As he rose through the ranks of the company he was expected to entertain more clients and associates. He invited various men over for drinks at our house before taking them out for dinner. And he would entertain once or twice a month on weekends. So the company subsidized his liquor cabinet that had half gallons of various kinds of booze. Plus on some weekends he would dring lots of beers.

I have painful memories of the many times that my parents started to argue at the dinner table. As the conversation got worse I went to the back room with my brother Jim to watch TV. They remained in the front rooms shouting at each other.

I do not think my father hit my mother.

When I went to Georgia Tech in 1971, I had much trouble with calculus. I had made good grades in high school. But I flunked calculus and then repeated it unto barely passing at several times. That destroyed my GPA.

Each time I came home I asked dad to let me change my major to Management or change schools. I wanted to go to Texas A & M because I heard they were more practical and less bookish. He was paying most of my bills and he refused. We had heated arguments. Then in my junior year, I returned to Atlanta but did not register for classes.

I felt that my dad never took the time and energy to gradually get to know who I was as a unique person. He did not know my strengths and weaknesses. He did not begin to understand my hopes and fears. He often said that what he wanted for me was to be happy. Yet the only path to happiness he could imagine or support was to become just like him and follow in his footsteps.

MARRIAGE
When I was in my 20s and 30s he was mildly pressuring me to get married. That is typical of any father who wants grandchildren.

My dad had a miserable marriage with my mother. They divorced when I was in college. He remarried shortly after that. He seems to be very happy in his second marriage.

I was engaged to be married 3 times yet never married. I recall that during the second engagement I managed to get my dad to go on a long walk with me in a park. That never happened before or since. I brought him there to get wisdom about marriage. He had a bad and good marriage. I asked him directly and indirectly but he had nothing to say to me at that critical moment in my life. I was super disappointed.

Each time that I was engaged I told my fiance that I never want to have children. I was terrified that I would wound a child for life.

PHONE
Most of the adults I know see their parents during the holidays and other times during the year if they have kids to go visit grandparents.

After I left college I went home for the holidays a few times. I rarely saw my dad otherwise even when I was in Houston and he was too. I moved to Dallas in 1985. I saw him about twice after that until he died 33 years later in 2018.

So most of our relationship was on the phone.

Both of the parents of my dad were born in Canada. So when my dad went into WWII he could not serve overseas. He got training as a meteorologist. He served on the military bases to prepare weather reprots for the pilots. That was significant because when I called my dad there was very little that we could talk about. Yet I often got a detailed report about the recent weather in his area and I could report about the weather in my area.

These phone calls were about 10 to 15 minutes in length and happened about every 6 to 8 weeks unless it was a holiday.

When I began into 12 step recovery work I had successfully stuffed all my feelings for many years. As I went back into these memories then there was a flood of emotions. During that time I journaled much and prayed earnestly. I met with pastors. Over the years they referred me to counselors and therapists.

On several occasions I attempted to bring up the matters I wrote about here with my dad either directly or indirectly. Over and over he said he did not remember anything like that. I wondered if I had made that up in my imagination. By contrast, I had been talking with my brother more often and longer. I asked him and he verified that it did happen. He told me how he learned to keep a low profile and use humor to avoid the rage of our dad.

There were seasons of many months when I could not stand to talk with him on the phone so I did not call and he did not call me.

I told God many times that if the Bible did not say honor your father then I would not have restarted and continued those calls.

NAME

It got to where I legally changed my name. I wanted to omit the junior at the end of my name. My birth certificate says John Phin Oliver junior. My legal name now is John Sower Oliver. I took Sower from the parable of the sower in Luke 8. I believe God has called me to be a writer and publisher for the kingdom of God. So the essence of my work is to bountifully sow good seeds into good soils. The name Phin was the maiden name of the mother of my dad. He was not happy when I told him what I had done.

The video and workbook of Greifsahre say how grief can impact the health and behaviors of a person. I said that I have suddenly gained weight. Note that I weighed the same from high school until the 3 years in the homeless shelter when I gained about 10 pounds. I have gained about 20 more pounds since my dad passed. It is all in my belly. I have never been this big. When I shower I see myself in the mirror. It seems odd to me. I then pray many times for God to gracefully guide me on how to lose this weight someday. I am not in a rush.

Generally, I put my stress in my neck and shoulders. During this season of grief, I have been experiencing waves of relief in those areas.

Another symptom of my grief is that I have been sleeping much more than before. Sometimes I wake up but do not want to get up so I go back to sleep. Unlike most people I know, I am retired and do not have a job. I do not have a spouse or children to care for. So except for a few commitments each week I can sleep many hours. When I first moved to Ennis I slept a moderate amount and took short naps as needed. Note that several others in this support group shared that they sleep far more than before the loss of a relative.

The 3 others in attendance were women and spoke of how much they cried. I said I wished I could cry. Rarely tears have almost spilled out of my eyes recently. I said this is normal for me. It takes a very sad movie to get me to cry just a little. I would appreciate prayers so that I might cry during the coming weeks as this grieving process continues.

What I was able to start to feel was an internal swell of all kinds of emotions. It was like a volcano about to erupt. It is a steaming hot mix of anger, resentments, rage, bitterness, and more. I have stuffed, ignored, denied, and hid from such feelings about my dad for many years. There was 1 time decades about this came out in a group setting and it was very healing. I do not want to frighten the other members or the leader that is a professional counselor. But I know that God can make a way for this to be discharged in the right ways and at the right times.

CONCLUSION

It is said that the way a person perceives their father strongly influences how they perceive God. So I have had to work through my perceptions that God mostly neglects me. He some sometimes see and hear me but does not

PRAYERS

Here are my ongoing prayer requests for the rest of my life that you might pray for others and yourself.

Think clearly

Choose wisely

Be grateful.

Now in terms of prayers for this season of grieving, here are my 3 prayer requests.

May God guide me to the ways of transportation for those Monday evening meetings from 630 to 800.

May God grant me courage and strength to dig in and do this grief work wholeheartedly one day at a time.

May I effectively manage my time and energy so that I will complete the workbook exercises in a timely way as well as go deep and wide into the journaling based on what the Lord Jesus Christ brings up for me to heal in the coming weeks. Plus may that intense work be also balanced along the ways with suitable intervals of rest, fun, and social life.