Tiny progress with my budgeting activities
SUMMARY
Yesterday I had a plan to work on my budget by updating Every Dollar online service www.everydollar.com I had not been there for at least 7 weeks.
It was a tip-top priority today and yesterday. Then with difficulty, I finally got to it late in the evening. There was an abundance of distractions and interruptions.
I could only stand to work there for about a half an hour. It was too mentally and emotionally exhausting.
The good news is that I did take a tiny step The bad news is that my pattern has been to not carry through.
it is like an overweight couch potato finally getting up to jog for 20 minutes. That is an important start. But there needs to be more of the same on a consistent basis.
it is like an overweight couch potato finally getting up to jog for 20 minutes. That is an important start. But there needs to be more of the same on a consistent basis.
So I am requesting your best prayers. This is evidently a spiritual matter for me. I have the knowledge, skill, and motivation but for decades this has been a chronic obstacle.
HISTORY
Last month I had unplanned expenses that put me into a cash flow pinch and used all my saving plus needing to borrow some money.
That money has been repaid.
Such a bump motivated me to again address the need to gain the healthy habit of using a monthly budget.
One of my greatest weaknesses all my life has been how I have avoided, neglected, or ignored using a basic budget.
Over the decades I have attempted many times to set up and use a basic budget. That included paper-based before PCs, then computer-based and then web-based.
As a single man that lives alone and values a simple lifestyle, there are zero complications. There has been no need for clever tax considerations or investment opportunities,
SAVINGS
I have been well aware and agreed with the importance of savings.
Last fall I set aside 10 dollars cash. I was super tempted to spend it before my retirement money arrived. I held that 10 dollars for a few months. Then I added 10 more. I held 20 with difficulty. Last month it was 40 dollars used to plug the hold. I had that 40 for about 6 weeks. So my intention is to juggle my money this month to start at 40.
OBSTACLES
Today when I was on the budgeting site there were both moments of flow and moments of frustration.
My reason and intuition understand the concepts.
But I hit the wall several times as I was learning how to interface with this online service. Over the decades I have taught myself lots of software programs and online services. But because this deals with my money there was an emotional charge ready to spark.
Currently, I receive a large income stream early in the month as my retirement direct deposit. then toward the end of the month, a gracious friend sends a generous gift. So the income is predictable. And likewise, the expenses are predictable. So logically a personal budget should be a breeze.
By contrast, for much of my adult life, my income was not as predictable. I had part-time or full-time jobs or no job. I had a small, medium, or large income from supporters.
Besides raising funds for my living expenses I also raised funds for individuals I was serving.
There were 7 years that I help raise money for a disabled veteran that was my neighbor. Some might remember Shebaa Green. She had many health challenges and was in much pain. She finally died. There were months that 10 to 20 percent of my income from working at the seminary went to pay her immediate bills for medicine and more. Plus I raised hundreds of more dollars from generous people.
Those were stressful and exciting days. More than ever I came to embrace the significance of the part of the Lord's Prayer that says give us this day our daily bread. Because there were many times I was living on the knife edge financially for her and me. Too many times to count the money arrived at the last minute.
During that long and painful season, I was terrified to do a budget. I felt that if I put all these numbers down and looked at them rationally I would jinks the magic. If my logical mind saw the amazing ways God was supplying our needs then the miracle provisions would stop.
She died more than 6 years ago. But that fear of budgeting is just one of my internal challenges. I trust that God can heal and deliver me of that as He answers prayers.
BACKGROUND
My many years in 12 step recovery work has taught me to always consider childhood trauma and modeling as a major factor to shape adult behaviors.
My father was a mechanical engineer that got an MBA and became an executive manager. He was very hard working. He was in the oil and gas industry in Houston during the 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s. That industry was booming during those times.
My dad got promotions and increased income. Our family went from a small duplex when I was born in 1953 to a huge house in an affluent neighborhood by the time I was 10 years old.
My dad did the bills and taxes when spread out on the dining room table. While he was dealing with money has as especially stressed. I learned to avoid or tiptoe around him then. So he modeled that paying bills and taxes was a bad thing.
NEEDS vs. WANTS
My reason and intuition understand the concepts.
But I hit the wall several times as I was learning how to interface with this online service. Over the decades I have taught myself lots of software programs and online services. But because this deals with my money there was an emotional charge ready to spark.
Currently, I receive a large income stream early in the month as my retirement direct deposit. then toward the end of the month, a gracious friend sends a generous gift. So the income is predictable. And likewise, the expenses are predictable. So logically a personal budget should be a breeze.
By contrast, for much of my adult life, my income was not as predictable. I had part-time or full-time jobs or no job. I had a small, medium, or large income from supporters.
Besides raising funds for my living expenses I also raised funds for individuals I was serving.
There were 7 years that I help raise money for a disabled veteran that was my neighbor. Some might remember Shebaa Green. She had many health challenges and was in much pain. She finally died. There were months that 10 to 20 percent of my income from working at the seminary went to pay her immediate bills for medicine and more. Plus I raised hundreds of more dollars from generous people.
Those were stressful and exciting days. More than ever I came to embrace the significance of the part of the Lord's Prayer that says give us this day our daily bread. Because there were many times I was living on the knife edge financially for her and me. Too many times to count the money arrived at the last minute.
During that long and painful season, I was terrified to do a budget. I felt that if I put all these numbers down and looked at them rationally I would jinks the magic. If my logical mind saw the amazing ways God was supplying our needs then the miracle provisions would stop.
She died more than 6 years ago. But that fear of budgeting is just one of my internal challenges. I trust that God can heal and deliver me of that as He answers prayers.
BACKGROUND
My many years in 12 step recovery work has taught me to always consider childhood trauma and modeling as a major factor to shape adult behaviors.
My father was a mechanical engineer that got an MBA and became an executive manager. He was very hard working. He was in the oil and gas industry in Houston during the 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s. That industry was booming during those times.
My dad got promotions and increased income. Our family went from a small duplex when I was born in 1953 to a huge house in an affluent neighborhood by the time I was 10 years old.
My dad did the bills and taxes when spread out on the dining room table. While he was dealing with money has as especially stressed. I learned to avoid or tiptoe around him then. So he modeled that paying bills and taxes was a bad thing.
NEEDS vs. WANTS
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