I am a Zealot

Again you can scroll to UPDATE to get the shortest version.

After that comes PRAYERS.

Things went smoothly at my last night at the homeless shelter.

The bed I slept on had been a hospital bed many years ago.

It had a hand crank that allowed me to elevate the top of the mattress.

That angle I think helped my sinuses to drain last night.

I was very inspired by one of the workers there.

I wrote a letter of appreciation.

She worked at the chaotic front desk.

It was amazing to witness how she could rapidly deal with people.

Many times I saw her go from tender love to tough love to tender love in moments.

This is a Christian facility with chapel services one or two times a day.

I had never seen Christ like character on display in such a critical situation.

I did make it back to the missionary housing in the late afternoon.

I am in a smaller room with a share bath and no kitchenette.

There is one double bed here for 35 dollars a night.

I guess this was made for singles like me.

The 45 dollar per night room had 2 double bed a full bath and tiny kitchen.

At the recommendation of a member of my small group I got some aloe vera.

It has greatly helped with the sunburn.

While the bur did go down at first I was back out in the blazing sun soon after.

Thankfully ant missionary housing I only need to go out one time a say for a walk.

This is so much more peaceful and quiet.

I have been getting an abundance of inspirations on how to present the ministry online.

Like I stated before it is huge and complex.

There are many parts and layers.

I have listed the many possible slide shows.

Lord willing within months most of those will be online.

Now my challenge is to prioritize them and focus just to the top priority ones.

I am in a setting where I can get much done daily.

ZEALOT

There is a simple saying that goes like this:

If you squeeze an orange you get orange juice.

If you squeeze some grapes you do not get apple juice.

The point is that difficult circumstances reveal the juice inside a person.

The last few weeks have been like a squeezing for me.

I have found that at my core I am a zealot.

That is the juice that is coming out these days.

I always had been a zealot but it was hidden behind other layers.

This morning I was reflecting on what were the causes.

During college I did not have purpose or direction.

I was an unbeliever.

I was an active member of a social fraternity.

There I abused alcohol at the keg parties and other events.

It was my junior year.

When my first fiancée dumped me I went into a deep depression.

I quit attending classes.

My grades went far down and I did not care.

The next term I did not enroll.

I got involved in a New Age cult.

I got hooked on drugs.

My life was spiraling out of control.

But for the grace of God I would have overdosed.

Or I would have wrapped a car around a tree while under the influence.

My mother got very concerned.

She prayed and invited many others to pray.

Got miraculously took away my desire for drugs.

Then God delivered me from the cult.

Then I moved in with my mother.

Then I moved into the Christian community.

There God did my drug rehab for 18 months.

Then some church elders said it was time for me to move out.

I moved into an apartment.

I missed the Christian music.

I found the music on the radio.

Also that is when I heard the gospel message.

I was born again on January 16, 1977.

God connected me with a Bible teacher.

I eagerly read the Bible passages about water baptism.

I was water baptized on January 30, 1977.

It was at that time and place that I totally dedicated my life to serve God.

I had made a mess of my life.

I should have been dead.

God rescued me.

I owed Him my life.

That is when I became aware that I was a zealot.

I knew that I had been forgiven much so I loved Jesus much.

Most of the other church members grew up in Christian families.

Like many new Christians I read my Bible very frequently at first.

The Holy Spirit was making it alive to me in fresh ways.

I was praying often and fervently.

A few months later I felt God placing a call on my life.

I accepted it.

One key passage of that incident was I sought for a man to stand in the gap.

And like the song says, here I am Lord send me.

The vision God has worked into my heart has the image bridges.

These will communication bridges will connect people in new ways.

The work of my hands will be used to stand in those gaps.

There were times when Paul was squeezed.

He had a very difficult life and faced many hardships.

Lately people have pointed out that he was a tentmaker.

That is a biblical fact.

But I suggest he could have settled in various cities and had a comfortable life.

Instead he kept moving around on his three missionary journeys.

I suspect he was compelled by the urging of God to spread the gospel and plant churches.

Surely there was lots of uncertainty and times to look to God for his daily bread.

He repeatedly said to set affections on Christ and things above.

He put ministry as his tip top priority.

This verse has inspired and challenged me many dozens of times.

“But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.”

Acts 20 24

My life verse came from the mouth of Paul when he was in chains.

"So, King Agrippa, I did not prove disobedient to the heavenly vision, “ Acts 26 19

I have endeavored every day not to be disobedient to the heavenly vision.

I know this may sound strange and unsettling to many who read this.

Like I wrote before God only needs a few pioneers to blaze the trail for many settlers.

This mind set and world view is not uncommon among many pioneer missionaries.

When I worked on staff at the seminary for 12 years missions week was my favorite time of year.

I loved to visit the dozens of tables from a wide range of missions agencies.

I relished the short seminars offered by the missionaries from the fields.

Repeatedly I prayed earnestly for God to guide me to any agency.

I was totally open, flexible and available.

Only one time did I have a first interview with an agency representative.

It was clear that were not a good match.

I came to the conclusion years ago that God called me to pioneer a work online.

But it will not only be online.

It will blend online and offline in innovative ways.

Many years ago I began to write Bible verses on 3 by 5 index cards.

I selected those single verses or short passages that stood out to me.

I would carry those cards with me to mediate on them anywhere and anytime.

Also I kept a selection of them facing me while at my home office computer.

Over the years I had filled a large index card box with them of a few hundred.

From time to time I went through those and noticed what was speaking to me just then.

Thus I rotated out the cards I carried and had on my desk.

Here are some of those that have been speaking to me most recently.

"You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.”

John 15:16

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Eph. 2:10

Work out your salvation with fear and trembling;  for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

Phil. 2:12,13

Those are not proof texts to justify my selfish ambitions.

Apart for the call of God on my life all I want to do is retreat to a cabin in the woods.

I want to read and write and publish online as I slowly fade into the sunset.

But those verses have been alive to me unlike more than 200 others that were alive previously.

UPDATE

•       My sunburn is peeling and healing with the help of aloe vera.

•       I moved back to missionary housing for the next 4 nights.

•       I need to focus on the top priority slide shows to put at first on the crowd funding site.

PRAYERS

May I meditate on Your Word day and night. May Your Scriptures shape my thinking, praying, expectations, words and deeds.

Let me know at the core of my being that I am never totally alone. May I know by faith that You are always with me. May I look to You and trust in You no matter how I feel.

May I learn to abide in You as the True Vine more and better each day that I may bear more fruit for Your glory.

Shalom