Been Deeply Depressed - Please Pray

SYMPTOMS

I admit that I have had an inclination to depression. And because of that, I have learned many methods to avoid or cope with depression. 

But sometimes it gets overwhelming and I need to request prayers. 

Recently I have felt waves of depression and despair. 

I have struggled with hating my life. 

I have felt mad at groups and institutions. 

There has been an absence of hope. 

I have been having odd headaches that I feel on different parts of my head every few minutes. And I rarely have any headaches.

I am not a risk of hurting myself or others. But I often lack the will to keep moving forward. 

There are some thought patterns that repeat in my thinking that trouble me. 

I have been binge-watching Netflix more than ever before.

I have an abundance of writing projects planned and prioritized. But even though I am retired without a job I only invest 1 to 2 hours a day on them. When I am in a better headspace I average is 3 to 4 hours a day. While I am writing in the creativity zone then time disappears. I feel energized and fulfilled afterward. When I notice steady progress toward desired goals I feel good about myself. I have known musicians and artists to need to practice their craft as much as possible for their mental and emotional health. 

NOT CAUSES

Here are considerations that are not the causes of my current challenges.

I have been getting plenty of sleep and exercise. I have been eating healthy foods. I do not feel sick. So I do not believe this depression has a physical cause.

My personal relationships could use improvements. But there are no conflicts or grief currently.

My finances could use improvements. But there is no crisis there.

My spiritual practices could use improvements. But that is always the case.

CAUSE - Coronavirus 

The news about the coronavirus has me very worried. I feel concerned for my personal safety and the safety of others. I want to know the facts about how it is spread and how lethal it really is. I have seen many short videos on Youtube about this. I have felt upset about both the coverups and fearful projections of the long term possibilities.    

There are reports that thousands have been evacuated from the area of the initial outbreak to many nations. So more cases worldwide are likely. 

I live in a small town. And I live a simple lifestyle without much contact with groups expect at church and grocery shopping. So my personal risk is tiny. 

My neighbors in the senior community are in their 70s and 80s. They take 8 to 12 prescription pills a day. Some of them are visited by relatives often. Such a virus could harm or kill them.

 My imagination keeps running worst-case scenarios about possible spreading. I mention these not to frighten you but to share my worries and enroll your best prayers. There are places that any virus could spread and that includes waiting rooms, subways, sporting events, parties, hospitals, airplanes, schools, playgrounds, prisons, ghettos, and churches. This is where the common cold could spread too.

I do not want to deny these possibilities nor get paranoid. 

Please pray for me to have a balanced perspective on the coronavirus and how it might impact me as well as others.

CAUSE - Politics 

Before the 2016 elections, I could easily ignore politics. Since then nearly every news report and celebrity have had a political spin. 

All the hype has gotten distressing. 

People love or hate Trump. And they live in their insulated silos where they never hear the other side of any issue. 

I continue to be an independent moderate. In my opinion, Trump is neither a devil nor an angel. 

There is an abundance of vitally important issues that are not being addressed due to the ongoing political circus. 

I have had deep emotional issues with the immature ways of congress since I was a teen. Neither party is perfect. It seems tragic that the congress and president have rarely behaved like a team in wise and honorable ways. 

It hurts my heart that the elected and appointed workers in DC have been so greedy and selfish.  

What makes matters worse is that the USA is a huge player on the international stage. Their collective dysfunction in DC has, directly and indirectly, impacted millions of citizens in most other countries. 

SERENITY 

This reminds me of the Serenity Prayer.

God, 

grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference. 

This simple prayer has helped me thousands of times in the past. 

For me, this prayer is not a religious saying just to repeat when I hurt. 

There are insights and guidance packed into those few words.

I start from the end and go to the beginning.

I seek God to sort out what I can and cannot change in a difficult situation like what is happening in my life now.  

Then I seek courageous ways to change what I can.

Finally, I let go and let God have what I cannot change. 

CHANGE

What I can change is the inputs into my life and activities each day and week. 

I can temporarily stop the inputs of news and commentary. 

I can increase the inputs of helpful books. 

I can journal better. 

I can meditate better. 

I can take online drawing lessons. 

NEWS

During the previous years, I fasted from news and commentary during Lent. Each time that was a huge help. I had more peace of mind and emotional stability. The current events continued to happen without my keeping up with each twist and turn. 

This year Lent starts on February 27. This year I will start this fast after I have sent out this message. As I reviewed this message before sending it I hesitate to go cold turkey. Instead, I commit to decreasing my consumption until zero by Lent. 

BOOKS

I have a few self-help books by my reading chair. These are Unstuck by Matt Perman, High-Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard, and The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani. I had been reading and applying them very slowly. So without all the news and commentary, I will have more time and energy for those books. Please pray for me to make times for this. And I am not in a hurry to finish any of them. Each one is packed with useful exercises that I intend to apply. 

JOURNAL

What I can change is how much I write in my journal. Over the decades I have experienced the best breakthrus when I just wrote out all my thoughts and feelings. As I got totally honest with myself I was amazed at what came spilling out. Note that most writers that have been interviewed have habitually kept a journal. My recent habit has been to write a little and it has been shallow. Pray for me to write much and to go deep. Also, note that those who teach journaling recommend using paper instead of digital. They say this gets more at the guts of the matters.

MEDITATION 

Another practice that has helped me over the decades has been meditation. When I am meditating well then my prayers and writing improve. I have experimented with many meditation techniques and apps over the decades. Youtube has hundreds of options. I liked Calm  https://www.calm.com/  Headspace https://www.headspace.com/  Onvana https://play.omvana.com/ They have a blend of nature sounds and guided meditations. 

The one that I have begun to use recently and had the best results with is Brain FM https://www.brain.fm/ If you want to know about the science behind meditation then Brian FM has a great summary. Plus online there are plenty of research reports. 

This reminds me of the infomercials that promote fitness equipment for your home use. To just have a treadmill or stationary bike handy does not mean it will be used consistently. These meditation apps are like that. They are full of potential. Please pray for me to habitually use brain FM to meditate. There is also an option to play sounds in the background to help with focus. And I have found that they help.

DRAW

I admit that I am a recovering workaholic. My thoughts and feelings have been tangled up with plans and projects related to work. I have lots of lists of prioritized projects related to launching and leading an innovative educational enterprise. I have been working on parts of this for decades. I have recently completed a simple summary of my hundreds of pages of notes. I will be seeking advisers and funding. 

As a recovering workaholic, I need to incorporate fun into my life. And that does not mean watching more Netflix shows. The kind of fun that will work addiction needs to fit into my budget and schedule. As I have prayed about this and explored the options my conclusion has repeatedly led me to the activity of drawing. I have bought many drawing pencils and papers over the years. I have books about drawing that I have read but they did not motivate me to draw on a consistent basis. 

I have explored many online lessons about drawing but they did not connect with me.  Then I came on these online lessons that might work for me. It is called Draw a Box https://drawabox.com/ here is their  Youtube playlist

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLA7yj0dxiUGuOxvDKZyieaevO7UAABgjn 

My intention is to stop avoiding drawing and use this popular program as my way to get over my block. 

RELEASE

The things I cannot change are the coronavirus and congress. So the simple solution is to Let Go and Let God. That is easier said than done. But trusting God with my worries is the best solution.

CONCLUSION

I request your best prayers.

THANKS again for each of your prayers. They make a BIG difference.

God always answers prayers in His way and in His timing. 

Shalom

John