Recently I have been walking with my head
held down.
I have been looking at my feet and the
pavement just in front of me.
That is not a common way for me to walk.
But it is an indication to me that there
are some deeply troubling issues inside.
I feel stuck between the proverbial rock
and hard place.
I have been using my waking hours to
prepare short videos.
The intention of these is to associate
them to a crowd funding site.
Then there will be more than enough money
for me and the startup ministry.
That is a lovely plan that has been
taking much longer than expected.
There are lots of reasons and I will give
an overview here for your prayers.
NOISE
Late yesterday I was going to bite the
bullet and shoot a few more short videos.
They would not be excellent but they
would get me back in to motion from this stall.
However the place where I shot the other
videos was full of far too many noises.
This was the dining commons of the
community college.
Pray for that place to be quiet when I need
to shoot and for me to find alternative locations.
INSPIRE
I keep watching short videos online that
inspire and encourage me.
I saw 2 yesterday that hit a homerun out
of the park in less than 7 minutes.
They addressed a huge audience of
strangers on stage.
They told their story with a few photos
to illustrate and asked for support in a gentle way.
What I know rationally is that it was not
the first time they made that pitch.
There had been lots of previous versions
that were far less appealing.
What I saw was the polished version that
had been pruned and tweaked many times.
I was like a high school kid watching a
professional basketball player making a slam dunk.
I want to do that too and hopefully
someday I will.
But my skills are what they are today and
will not get better unless I get out there and practice.
Here are some videos that inspire me.
PROCESS
Today I find myself writing another long
word processing document.
Partly I need to do this because it helps
me process my internal junk.
It allows me to share parts of my life
for others to pray over.
It creates a text archive of my spiritual
pilgrimage that might be useful later.
But it does not directly get me closer to
the money I need.
It takes time and energy to create and
share.
It easily flows out of me contrasted to
the struggle with the short videos that seem stuck.
I know that some supporters think these
are far too long and I appreciate that.
I promise they are as short and focused
as I can make them.
Frankly I would rather not share as
openly and honestly.
In my flesh I would rather stay hidden
and invisible.
But I have learned the hard way over the
years that becoming vulnerable leads to progress.
TITLE
The title of this message is Like Induced
Labor.
There can come times when a pregnant
woman needs to be induced to give birth.
That is what I feel like today.
I feel like I need to induce labor to get
the ministry birthed.
The ministry has been inside my mind and
heart for many years.
I have attempted to launch it many times
in the past.
I have tried longer and harder this time
than ever before.
But it stays stuck and that is
discouraging.
When the crowd funding presentation is
live on Indiegogo it will have been birthed.
I know lots of ways to promote it to
strangers because I studied Internet marketing for years.
My costs of living are small and the
costs to initially grow the ministry are small.
Logically my life will be much better
after I just get over this matter.
FEARS
Pray for me to focus on the hope and
expectation of the positive future.
Pray for me to overcome my fears that
have been holding me back.
One of my biggest fears is the fear of
success.
I fear that if this gets going and
growing then I will be overwhelmed.
Another fear of mine related to this is
the fear of responsibility.
When it grows and matures then I will
have many more responsibilities.
I might not be able to deal with all of my
responsibilities well.
That means I will disappoint and even
hurt some people.
So my little fearful self avoids all
those possible catastrophes by staying stuck.
That is a seemingly safe but ultimately
stupid way of coping with difficulties.
The only way out is through and that
means feeling the feelings while taking action step.
Courage is a virtue that comes from
facing fears then doing the right things.
FAITH
My personal theology informs me that
victory over any fear is faith in Christ.
The fact is that my life will radically
change after the ministry is birthed.
The ministry will go through stages of
develop like any nonprofit.
Those stages have been documented due to
patterns observed repeatedly.
There are books, websites and experts to
help at every stage.
I know how to seek and find such
resources.
I know how to follow instructions.
But at the end of the day it will be the
grace and mercies of God that will make the difference.
I will be challenged in ways I could not
begin to imagine today.
But I can know for sure that the Word of
God will never change.
His precious promises will always be yes
and amen.
Also Jesus Christ will never change.
His names and nature will be just the
same as today.
My fellowship with Him daily will change
because my circumstances will have changed.
Somehow I needed to write this much
today.
I have almost preached myself out of my
hole of despair.
GURUS
As you likely know I enjoy sharing
resources.
I have found an abundance of online
experts in a wide range of fields.
I have been sharing links to their best
content for many years.
So when it gets to my problems I know
where to turn for great inputs.
I have been reviewing those sources and
God has been sending me more.
The good news is that there is no
shortage of inputs from these gurus.
The bad news is that there are so many of
them.
Most of them are small business or church
planting related.
I need to adapt that to my intention to
launch an innovative educational nonprofit.
That is not too difficult nor is it super
easy.
MIDWIVES
Here is an image that occurs to me.
I feel like a pregnant woman in a trailer
in the woods.
I am ten months pregnant and so overdue.
I have lots of books, videos and websites
to understand the theory.
But there are complications and this part
of the journey has been lonely.
I do not personally know anyone that has
launched a nonprofit.
I do not have the money today to hire a
consultant.
But it is my hope that God will send
money to hire consultants and life coaches.
I have emailed and called a few friends
to come along side me at this time.
So far the response has been silence.
I would like to meet with them in person
or on the phone or Skype.
Pray for God to connect me with the right
people to help midwife this birthing.
LOGICAL
It seems logical that this part of my
life would be easy and simple.
My current challenge is to briefly
express my passions behind the vison for ministry.
I have done this many times over the
years in personal conversations.
These are the matters that I feel most
deeply.
What I have learned is that there are
many tiny parts.
It is not just one big thing.
I have been organizing these in to
groups.
I hope those will go online as short
videos very soon.
Those are essentially the background or personal
back story that motivates me.
Then there is the long term big picture
that I have shared before many times.
I do not yet understand why I have been
so emotionally blocked in getting these out.
So I suspect that there might be some
spiritual warfare happening.
Pray for wisdom and insights about what
it will take to publish the next set of videos.
AMBITIONS
A small but important part of my dilemma
relates to ambitions.
Before I was reborn at 23 years old I
sought to get very rich.
I wanted to retire early then party until
I died.
That was a normal pagan dream.
My ambitions revolved around making lots
of money then enjoying pleasures.
It seems that most Christians have very
few ambitions.
There are biographies of those heavily
involved in missions that had big ambitions.
I do not brag but I state a fact that God
has blessed me with many talents.
I seek to use those natural talents and
my spiritual gifts for His glory.
In the world of business it is easy to
measure success financially.
But how does one measure success in the
kingdom of God?
This relates to my reluctance to get
outside my comfort zones.
UPDATE
• Thankfully the cold sores in my mouth are
greatly decreasing.
• I will be sleeping at the homeless
shelter for the next few nights due to the generosity of a supporter and the
great grace of God.
• Pray for funds for more nights there.
• Pray for me to soon publish more short
videos online.
PRAYERS
God I admit that I wish my life unfolded
much faster. I confess impatience. That just reminds me of how extremely patient
You are with me and others. Thank You again for Your wonderful patience You have
shown toward me over the years.
God I admit I wish life was much easier.
I confess I can be lazy. I do not like doing unpleasant things and I tend to
avoid them. God gently guide me to suitably embrace the challenges You have put
along my path. Please guide me from making my life overly complicated and
difficult by taking on more than You know is best for me.
God this crazy world is seriously messed
up. The news reports can be depressing and distressing. I am glad You understand
all the issues in the Middle East because that is far beyond my mental capacity.
I choose to leave all the details up to You. May I find Your way for me to make
a useful and lasting contributions to this passing world during my remaining
days.
Shalom
